


It’s a rat, it’s a mouse, it’s a…!

by Gepardo



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Hints of Asphyxia, Hints of Electric kink, I was not drunk when I wrote this but I should had been
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1596575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gepardo/pseuds/Gepardo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rum shouldn’t be allowed to be bored and near dismembered body parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s a rat, it’s a mouse, it’s a…!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crankynerdgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Crankynerdgirl).



Rumplestiltskin twirled a metal rod lightly in his fingers, waiting for his latest potion experiment to simmer down. He hummed to himself, feeling rather relax after a good night’s sleep. Such a rare thing for him. Dipping the rod into the bubbling potion with care, he gave it two counter clockwise turns before pulling it out. He smirked widely as he saw the electricity run and up down everywhere the potion cling to the rod. “Good, good….”

“ **RUMPLESTILTSKIN**!” A high pitched voice pierced and echoed all about his alchemy lab, setting off his hands to fly away to his ears and the rod up in the air. Making a very un-Dark One noise, he tried to catch the electric stick only for it to fall upon his hands on the wrong end. Regina had once called him a spastic lizard, had she been there, she would had die of laughter at the twitches and impossible poses the running electricity was leading him to do until he fell on his ass and the rod jumped from his hands. 

 

Hearing the doors of his lab being forced to open, the imp peeked over his work table,  a limb here and there still twitching. Belle looked around, looking paler then usual. He quickly sprang to his feet. “Belle…why were you screaming?”

She looked a bit startled then tilted her head. “Why were you on the floor…?”

"I was napping." He said the first thing that came to mind. "Why were you screaming?"

"On the floor?"

"Yes. Why were you screaming?"

"What happen to your hair?" 

He gave Belle a strange look before running his fingers through his new standing up hairstyle, getting a few little shocks from it. “Floor Hair. Now _why were you screaming?_ " He put a bit of annoyance in his tone. 

"We have a rat in the kitchen." She spoke so innocently as if she hadn’t just made him shock himself. Of course, she didn’t know, but still!

We? When did they became a we…..Rumplestiltskin moved around the table slowly, coming up to her and taking a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment. His hands twitching lightly into different poses as he tried to find the words. “….what?”

"There is a rat in the kitchen!" Belle repeated. He tried to remember if he had turned anyone into a rat lately, but none came to mind.

"No..we…" He made a noise. "No, there aren’t any rats in this castle. Not even mice." 

He watched Belle’s blue eyes looked pass him to the table, where there was a cageful of squeaky mice. “Okay, there is mice, but they can’t escape.”

"I am telling you there is a rat! It pulled at my skirt!" 

"This is sounding suspiciously like that cat that sneaked into your bed…" 

"There was too a cat!" 

"Mm hmm…sure." Even his nodding was sarcastic. "There are no rats in this castle, dearie, unless they are packed into a jar." He waved lightly towards the shelves full of ingredients. 

Belle stomped one foot on the ground before snatching his wrist and pulled him along. “There is a rat in the kitchen and you are going to get rid of it now or I won’t have time to make  _your_  tea!”

As she dragged him off the kitchen, he couldn’t help notice her hand slipping from his wrist and gripping his hand tightly. It took all his self control to not wrap his fingers about her’s, nor blush like a little boy. 

Upon entering the kitchen, their hands became untangled, much to Rumplestiltskin’s disappointment. “Well? Where is this rat?”

"Shhh!" She chst him and they both stayed quiet and still, at least as still as Rum could manage for any amount of time. "…."

"I don’t hear anything, dearie." 

"Shh!" A moment of silence in which the great Dark One made mocking expressions behind her but they were silent enough that he finally heard it. A light clicking noise upon stone. "See? We have a rat!" 

He rolled his eyes. “This castle is old, that could be anything but a r-…!” A blur jumped up at him, clutching itself around his neck with enough force to knock him back on his arse. “Hngk!” 

Rum was distracted for a moment by Belle’s scream (and attempt to climb onto stove), but he managed to pulled his hand around to feel what was trying to strangle him right now. “Ah….Nghk.” He made a noise when it tighten a bit more. “See…dearie…no rat…just…a hand…” 

Pulling himself up to his feet, he tried to pried the dismember hand off his neck, but it got a good hold of the front of his neck. 

"Why is there a hand in my kitchen?!" Belle still perched onto the stove, glaring and trying to keep the note of hysteria out of her voice. This really wasn’t the strangest thing he had ever done.

"I got bored….ngh…last night….seemed like a good…nng…idea.." Rum pulled on the hand, only to have it tighten. "…I must of…forgotten about it…after I had my fun…" 

"Are you okay?"

"Fine…air supply…low…but fine…" He gave a cough. "No rats….make tea…" He managed a smirk. "I’ll…go..get rid of..this.." Rumplestiltskin disappeared before Belle could protest.

-

Back in his lab, he paced back and for, growling lowly. “We are not…in my bedroom…so let ngh! go!” He tried to glare at it, but that did little beyond making him look more insane. “……safe..word…..what was it….”

Killian Jones’ hand tighten. “…uh..fock….Hook!” Nothing. “Smee?!” Tighter. “ngnghk….Bean?!” The world was starting to get fuzzy around the edges. “Magick?!” 

Nothing. Just less air to work with.

He manage to spot the electric rod still on the floor, picked it up, thankfully on the non shocking part of it, and quickly turned it onto the hand, shocking them both to the floor. 

Gasping for air for a moment or two, the imp soon found himself laughing. “Well, wasn’t that fun…” He sat up, his body still shaking either from the electricity or from his own contained giggles. Turning wild eyes to the hand, he lightly tapped it with the bolt wand. It twitched and stretched. “Oh?”

Another light tap, the hand twisted for a moment. Rum chuckled softly and just grazed the finger tips with the rod. “You are enjoying this, aren’t you…?” He looked  at the wand before turning to see the hand giving him a come hither gesture. An impish giggle escaped him. “Fine.” 

-

Somewhere in Neverland

Smee came up from below deck, giving the man behind the wheel an odd look, it was the same person that had been there since last night. He turned to one of the crewmen working the sails. “Where is Hook?”

The man just shrugged. “We been hearing moaning from his quarters all morning…”

"And now one checked to see if he was okay?" 

"No one been sick since we got here, we figure he got a wench in there." 

Smee frowned, quiet sure that all the women stolen from port were still sleeping off the night before. Going over to the captain’s quarters, he knocked, only to hear moaning in return. He shakily pushed his way in. “Captain?”

"OUT!" The rotund man quickly back pedal out, but not before getting a glance of Hook in nothing but his coat and sporting something a wench should really take a look at. 


End file.
